The Time Machine
by Reaper monkey
Summary: Cartman builds a time machine. OR IS IT? R&R if you don't have cat aids.
1. Chapter: The very short intro

Kyle: Cartman, what are you doing?

Cartman: I am building a time machine.

Kyle: And who the fuck is that?

Cartman: That is Bill Gates.

Kyle: Where the hell did you get Bill Gates?

Cartman: I borrowed him.

Kyle: You borrowed Bill Gates.

Cartman: Yes, don't make me repeat myself.

Bill Gates: Do I get my Scooby Doo gummies now?

Cartman: Get back to work or your not even gonna get a Shaggy gummy!

Bill Gates: Is it purple?

Cartman: God, I dunno. Sure, why not?

Bill Gates: Okay…

Cartman: Heh-heh.

Stan: What's Cartman doing?

Cartman: He borrowed Bill Gates to build him a **time machine**.

Bill Gates: Actually, it's a **reality transference** machine.

Cartman: Hey…

Bill Gates: Yeah?

Cartman: Shut up.

Kenny: **Blurred mumble**

Cartman: If you must be **so rude** to ask, I am building a time machine.

Bill Gates: Finished!

Cartman: Excellent! **Pulls out gun** DIE!!! **Fires**

Bill Gates: Light fading… All I wanted was an IPOD Mommy… Just and IPOD.

Kenny: **Blurred mumble**

Kyle: Yeah! You killed Bill Gates! You bastard!

Cartman: Hey, I was out of Scooby Doo gummies. And what grown man watches Care-Bears?

Kyle: Well, for your sake, you better hope this thing works, fatass!

Butters: Hey, Cartman, I came to give your homework…

Cartman: I'm busy. Just write "If you didn't have a miscarrage with the History teacher, give me an A+."

Butters: Okay, if you say so.

Cartman: To the future!

**Later…**

Cartman: Strange. The future looks… Gay.

Kyle: We're on "Queer Eye For the Straight Guy" you fat fuck!

**To be continued…**


	2. Chapter 2: Queer Eye For the Normal Guy

**1**

Kyle: Cartman, you fatass!

Cartman: We are in… Another dimension.

Kyle: What the hell are you talking about Cartman?

Cartman: Don't you see? Ugh… How could I be so stupid?

Kyle: Snap out of it you fatass!

Cartman: I should of known that the central control unit's design scheme was built completely out of proportion…

Kyle: Your left nut's gonna be out of proportion if you don't snap out of it!

**Cartman begins walking off**

Cartman: How could I make this mistake?

Kyle: You didn't even build the damn thing!

Stan: Hey, Kyle, where'd Kenny go?

Kyle: Huh? He was here just a second ago.

Jose Assfuck: Hello, I am Jose Assfuck. I am a victim of green card tomfoolery. I am looking for a good husband who isn't intimidated by my name. **Even though they should be**.

Stan: Holy shit! Kyle!

**Pause**

Stan: Kyle?

Jose Assfuck: Hello, little boy, what's **your** name?

Stan: Um…

Jose Assfuck: Answer, you little brat, or I'm putting you back on the Next Bus!

Director: He will.

Stan: **AAAHHH!**

**Meanwhile…**

Cartman: Maybe if I reconfigured the left drive… No! Goddamnit, why hasn't it come to me by now? I'm running out of time!

Mysterious voice: Cartman…

Cartman: Who said that?

Mysterious voice: It is I, Donald Trump.

Cartman: Are you the guy who killed all the Jews, or the guy who invented cheeseburger pizza at Domino's?

Donald Trump: Um, the second one.

Cartman: You bastard!

Hitler: I'm the guy who killed all the Jews.

Cartman: Oh… 'Sup?

**2**

Cartman: So anyways… Why have you come here?

Donald Trump: Anyways, I'm here to show the way…

Cartman: Screw you! Where's the other guy?

Donald Trump: He just choked on some Taco Sauce and died. Didn't you it?

Cartman: Um… No.

Donald Trump: Yeah, here's the body.

Hitler: **I'm full!**

Donald Trump: His last breathe. That crazy bastard! **Smiles**

Cartman: Um…

Donald Trump: Huh? Oh yes. Here's the **ROOT OF ALL EVIL!**

Cartman: Um… This is a map showing a route back to Colorado.

Donald Trump: Root, route, however you say it, it's all the same.

Cartman: If I'm in another dimension, then how can I…? **HEY, WHERE THE HELL DID YOU GO?**

**Throws map away**

Cartman: Well, that was a waste of time. Stupid bastard.

**Meanwhile…**

Kyle: Whoa. I escaped. Hmmm… It looks safe. Maybe I should go back for Kyle. **WHAT WAS THAT?** Holy shit!

**3**

Kyle: It's… It's…

Taco: Yes, it is I. Taco, your evil twin brother.

Kyle: No! You were a character in a comic I made in the 1st grade!

Taco: You forget. **ANYTHING CAN HAPPEN ON QUEEREYE FOR THE STRAIGHT GUY!**

Kyle: How did you get here?

Taco: Sometimes, things don't work out like you expect them to. Then… You get desperate and you'll do anything just to earn a cent! It started out at Chip and Dales…

Announcer: Coming up! Major bondage! We've got Black Cock, the legendary Blue Balled Panda **AND** the Exploding Flounder!

Taco: That was me. The legendary Exploding Flounder. I had the moves, the looks, but…

Kyle: B-But what?

Taco: You drew me without a penis.

**Meanwhile…**

Jose Assfuck: I'm so proud of this day!

Stan: Someone save me!

Voice: Meet me at the club, cuz' tonight… It's goin' down.

Stan: Cartman?

**4**

Cartman: Yes, it is I.

Jose Assfuck: He's mine!

**Cartman shoots him**

Jose Assfuck: **AH!** God, just take him. He's a little piece of shit anyways!

Cartman: Yes, but he's my shit.

**Meanwhile…**

Taco: So… Are you ready… To feel the wrath?

Kyle: What are you…?

Taco: You are about to grow the greatest pain a teenager can go through as a teenager. You're about to lose your virginity… To a guy.

Kyle: No! God, please no!

Taco: Yes, and the best part is… You don't even need a dildo.

**BAM!**

Taco: Agh!

Stan: Take that, you bastard!

Cartman: You are learning well.

Kyle: Stan? Cartman?

Stan: Yeah, Cartman saved my life and then convinced me to come save your sorry ass!

Kyle: Well… Thanks. **WAIT, WHERE'S KENNY?**

Blurred voice: **Blurred mumble**

Cartman: Sweeter words have never been spoken!

Kyle: **OH MY GOD!** Kenny's stoned!

Cartman: And high.

Kyle: Cartman, you're a dumbass.

**5**

Stan: You shut up, traitor! Let's get Kenny and get the hell out of here!

Cartman: Let's see: Today we saw: A gay Mexican guy, an evil twin brother, a high teenager, and people choking on taco sauce.

**Days Of Our Lives**

Narrator: That concludes today's episode.

Cartman: How far away from reality **are we?**

Kyle: What? We're transferring again!

Stan: Where are we now?

Big Red Creature: Hello! Welcome to Foster's Home For Imaginary Friends!

**To be continued…**


End file.
